Our Refuge; Our High Tower

I was sitting at home, worshipping, praying and pondering what a gift Jesus is.  The house was peaceful and the Christmas music was playing.

When suddenly came a noise, and a chase began throughout the house!  Little kitty Whitney was after my poor Glory Girl’s tail.  Whitney was chasing her throughout the house, batting at her tail, with her claws out as far as they could go, grabbing hold of her behind.

Glory was in a furry, yipping throughout the house.  Suddenly, Glory caught sight of me sitting on the couch.  And up she launched herself right onto my lap and she hide herself under my arm.  She nestled in deep.  She looked down at Whitney, with the look that said, “now what are you going to do, hum?”

I look at all moments as Divine, as I believe God is always speaking.  So, I started listening to the Lord.  And I started giggling as the Lord began to talk to me about spiritual focus, gazing, and resting.  He started reminding me of all the times in the midst of circumstances, spiritual warfare, or while dealing with my grace growers, how I can whine and whimper just like poor Glory Girl, and how often I run through the room in a furry, rather than jumping into the lap of the One I love.

He is the One who is our a high tower, our refuge, our keeper (Psalm 91). 

As Glory nestled under my arms, I was reminded of God’s full acceptance and loving embrace. That even while we freak out over circumstances, His voice, His gaze draws us back into His arms.  How he loves to hold us in every moment of every day.  He is there, we just need to discipline our spirits to catch sight of Him.

There is always a lap that is wide open.  His protection is always available.

Funny kitty.  I can’t help but giggle as I watch Whitney.  She spent the next few minutes looking for another dog to torture. Ultimately, she launched herself once again into the Christmas tree, in search of some dangling ornaments.

An American Girl Doll? Really Lord?

In 2005,  the Lord spoke to my heart.  He said, “Lori, I want you to buy yourself an American Girl doll.”  “What?!” I responded.  “But I am not a doll kind of person!  What would I do with a doll?!”

I have a good friend whose daughter loves American Girl dolls.  www.americangirl.com.  Every time I would go to her house, I had a battle that would emerge within me.  I was drawn to her dolls and at the same time I could feel a dislike in my heart for them. 

I knew God was speaking because I could feel the conflict in my heart.  God loves to speak to us when peace is missing.  That is a sure sign He is trying to show us something if we take the time to ask Him what it is, and to listen.

I knew part of this, was the fact I did not know how to play and I yearned to know how to play again.  I knew there was something deeper the Lord was trying to show me through these dolls.  

One day, when I got home after a visit with my friend and her daughter, the Lord spoke to my heart.  He told me to get online and buy myself an American Girl “Just Like You” doll.  I thought He was nuts.  Like seriously, what would I do with a doll!   But because I adore Him, I obeyed what He was asking me to do.

A “Just Like You” doll is a doll you can order that has the same color hair and eyes as you.  So, I did what the Lord told me to do.  I was partially excited because as a little girl I had loved dolls, and yet I also had no idea what to do with dolls now that I was an adult!  I was unprepared for the journey I was about to enter into with the Lord.  Funny thing, He knew! Imagine that!

When I got the doll in the mail, I was completely taken back in my response to it.  I was shocked at how I began to interact with this doll.  I did not know what to do with the doll, nor did I like it.  I found feelings coming up in me of hatred, anger, and a distain for the doll.  The doll represented me.

The Lord began to use this doll as a prayer tool.  And through the doll, the Lord began to show me how I really felt about myself.

I will never forget one time that year when I was asked to do a portion of the sermon at my old church.  It was the spring of 2005.  When I was done speaking and I got home, I took my doll off the shelf that she was sitting on.  And I literally wanted to beat her against the wall.  Such hatred erupted from my heart towards the doll (myself). And the hatred was very targeted at my speaking, at my heart, and at my voice.  Thoughts emerged like, “you have nothing good to say, there is no good in you,  you will NEVER speak again!”.   Well, needless to say, I freaked out at the intensity of this experience.  First thing I did, was I got my husband and confessed my thoughts to him.  And so we prayed!  And we prayed hard!

Through this, the Lord began to show me more to the deep root of self-hatred I had.  And He showed me specifically how it was targeted at my heart and at my voice.  This experience shook me to the core.  And I got on my face before the Lord for days, and prayed for him to deliver me from this hatred of myself.  I did not let up praying or seeking His face, until the freedom came.  And He was faithful to set me free!   Free to begin to love myself and delight in myself the way that He did!

Who would of known that God could use a doll as a tool of His healing power.  But He did!  He delivered me through an American Girl doll!  Not only did He use the doll to remove some lies I believed about myself, He began to use the doll to teach me how how to speak LIFE over myself!  This was the amazing and fun part.  

Speak LIFE over ourselves?  This feels kind of selfish doesn’t it?  The enemy would love to tell us that to pray for ourselves is selfish, or wrong, or too religious.  Funny, we can agree with, and even speak words of death, judgment, and condemnation over ourselves, and yet, when we think of building up or edifying ourselves in the Lord and in truth...well, that sounds selfish.  The enemy loves perverting truth, and deceiving us.  

God wants us to speak LIFE over ourselves!  He absolutely adores it when we encourage ourselves and build ourselves up in Him!  We are not glorifying self, we are glorifying the One who created us!

The Word of God says, “to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, spirit and strength, and to love others as we love ourselves”.  We are commanded to deeply love ourselves.  And yet Satan perverts this by telling us we are prideful if we adore and love ourselves.  The Lord delights in us, so why do we have a hard time smiling and delighting in ourselves?  Why, does this seem so selfish and wrong?  Because Satan is a thief and a deceiver.  We have been deceived into thinking it is wrong or prideful to love ourselves.   Satan knows our witness and testimony of Jesus’ love begins in our love for God and in our love for ourselves.  We can never love others and testify to His love if we do not love ourselves first.

The Lord used this doll powerfully in my life to draw up the hatred and deliver me from it.  Then, He used this doll to teach me how to prophesy life into and over my body, soul, and spirit.  He used the doll to call up the fountain of living waters within me!

I love American Girl dolls now.  I absolutely adore them!  You will find them all over my house.  I take them out and play with them often!  I love dressing them up in princess dresses and placing crowns on their heads. For me, they symbolize our Kingdom identity.  And it is one way I can express my passion to see the Kingdom of God released in people.  They represent the destiny we are all called to play as Kingdom Heirs; as sons and daughters of the One True King.

We are not paupers, to be beaten down by the hand of condemnation, shame or judgment.

We are princes and princesses called to live our lives for the purposes of the King and His Kingdom.   

Who is Bigger? God or the Market?

In the spring of 2007, the Lord was talking to my husband and I separately about selling our house, downsizing and simplifying.  When we talked together, we knew God once again was testing us, and asking us to walk in obedience.  When we bought our house, we felt like were were home for the long-haul.  And as soon as God spoke, we began to step out in faith.  We immediately started on a wild adventure to sell our house and buy another one.

The Lord immediately led us to a new house. One day, our family took a drive with the Lord.  And listening to the Lord together, He led us to our new house!  That was truly an amazing story - I will share in another blog in how He spoke to us and led us.

So, we bought the new house which was half the size of our other home.  And we knew it was time to put our house up for sale.  We were totally walking in faith that we were hearing God.  And hearing that not only was He telling us to sell, He was telling us to buy.  It was a total faith walk.

We knew the market was dropping because we got an awesome deal on the new house - free pool and all sorts of perks!  God was very gracious to us.  And yet, people were desperate to sell and the market was in a rapid decline.  Fear and chaos were everywhere, and speaking through everyone.

So, we as a family all prayed together, and the Lord gave us a very specific dollar amount to sell our house for.  We took this dollar amount to the realtor who was assigned to us to sell our home. (part of the deal on the new house was they paid for a realtor to sell our old house)

Immediately she was like, “no way will you ever get that for your house.  The market is dropping, there are so many other houses on the market, and your house will never sell if you list it at that”.  She pulled out all the diagrams describing the market.  It was quite depressing.  

We were then challenged with, do we believe what God was saying to us, or do we go with what the realtor was saying?  So, we spent more time asking the Lord if this truly was His will for us concerning the dollar amount to list the house at.  And as I was praying, the Lord really was in a hilarious mood.  Funny actually. Just thinking of Him makes me smile.  He kept calling us to trust Him.

I remember having a conversation with Him about all this and He said to me, “Lori, who do you think is bigger - me or the market?”   His question brought conviction to my heart.  Like, dah!  He is GOD.   He continued, “Lori, what are you trusting in, Me who sits high above the market, or the market itself.  The market is not Lord, I AM LORD.”  Ok, by this time, I was giggling so hard.  He has a funny way of speaking truth that wipes out all unbelief and fear.  The Lord then told me, the person buying the house would buy it for the pool.  So, we as a family talked about what the Lord was saying to me, and we chose to believe God and step out in faith and stayed with the dollar we felt the Lord was saying to go with.

So, the realtor came back and once again tried to convince us about the condition of the market and to convince us to not sell our house with what the Lord told us to sell it for.  She did not have a relationship with the Lord.  And before I knew it, I began to speak to her about Jesus and about how He was the God who sat far above the market and how we were going to put our trust in what He told us.  I asked her in love to not speak any more negative words over our home (the market and our home).

The house listed for what the Lord told us to list it for.  And in less than 10 days in a declining market, with a surplus of homes on the market, we got a call from our realtor.  Her first words were, “you are not going to believe this!”  and then she paused and said, “oh yes you will!  your house sold for your asking price....I think your God was right!”, and then she added, “oh and by the way, they chose your house because they love your pool”.  I just grinned.  She had no idea that the Lord had told me that!  Whenever I see those secret prayers come alive - I can’t help but grin.  Jesus loves to talk to us!  We have to believe that we can hear Him and that He wants to talk to us about ever detail of our life!

Oh, how I love the voice of the Lord.  Walking through life with Him is such an amazing adventure every single day.  He loves to talk and He loves to listen.  And this is for everyone, you just must begin to ask Him by faith.  And then beginning listening.

Rushing the Temple

It was Christmas Eve 2007, and as a family, we were on our way to church to celebrate the birth of the lover of my soul - JESUS!   Nothing do I love more, than loving Him.  And I love Christmas.  We decided to head to our old church for one of their Christmas Eve services.  And, well, for me Jesus and coffee go together! 

I was thirsting for my favorite drink - a Starbucks!   As we pulled into the parking lot, I noticed a car coming through the drive-thru.  As the car pulled around the corner, it hit the wall, and a man fell out of the driver’s seat and onto the ground.  You could tell that he was very drunk.  He could not even walk.

By this time, we were getting out of our car, and in my heart I said to the Lord, “Oh no, I am on my way to church to worship you, Jesus.  I am not dealing with this”.  I almost tried to deny what I was seeing.  And as I was talking to the Lord about this, He lovingly rebuked me.  He was stern and yet loving.  In that moment, He said to me, “The best way to worship me is by helping someone in need. Go help him.”  

So, I looked at my husband and said, “the Lord wants us to help this man”.   So, we helped the man get his car parked, and then we helped him into Starbucks.  As we helped him, the Lord began to talk to me about this man’s heart, and He told me to begin praying for him.  The Lord gave me very specific things that were on His heart for this man.  So, I began to pray as the Lord showed me.   As I began to pray, the man began to weep.  I could see his heart open, and then I saw Jesus enter into his heart.  The only thing I had to give this man, was Jesus Himself through a small gift of prayer.

Christmas is such a time of sadness and loneliness for so many people.  People without family, people without hope.  People without Jesus.  It is a time when our hearts as Christians must open up wide, just as Jesus’ heart is open to those in need.

It was a blessing to bring Jesus to this man.  And into the atmosphere of Starbucks.  And to think, I almost missed the opportunity to see Jesus’ love being poured out due to my own selfishness.  A selfishness that was wrapped up in religion, and in my own desire to worship God.  Funny how deceived we can be in religious things.

We got to church, just in time for worship.  And it was incredible.  The presence of God filled the sanctuary.  The presence of Jesus radiated that place.  Thousands gave their lives to Jesus in those Christmas services.  

I am always amazed at how God loves to work through His people, and am humbled to partner with God with such a stewardship.  

Acts 3 - A Story from God’s Word

"Peter and John went to the Temple one afternoon to take part in the three o’clock prayer service. 2 As they approached the Temple, a man lame from birth was being carried in. Each day he was put beside the Temple gate, the one called the Beautiful Gate, so he could beg from the people going into the Temple. 3 When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for some money.

 4 Peter and John looked at him intently, and Peter said, “Look at us!” 5 The lame man looked at them eagerly, expecting some money. 6 But Peter said, “I don’t have any silver or gold for you. But I’ll give you what I have. In the name of Jesus Christ the Nazarene, get up and walk!”

 7 Then Peter took the lame man by the right hand and helped him up. And as he did, the man’s feet and ankles were instantly healed and strengthened. 8 He jumped up, stood on his feet, and began to walk! Then, walking, leaping, and praising God, he went into the Temple with them.

 9 All the people saw him walking and heard him praising God. 10 When they realized he was the lame beggar they had seen so often at the Beautiful Gate, they were absolutely astounded! 11 They all rushed out in amazement to Solomon’s Colonnade, where the man was holding tightly to Peter and John."