In March of 2010, I woke one morning with horrific pain in my head and neck. I went to the doctor and she told me it was just stress and gave me a prescription for some pain medications.
So, as a family we went on vacation in April, and I still suffered tremendous pain. In May, I ended up back at the doctor, and again she said it was just stress. Although, I knew in my heart that something was really wrong with me. At the end of May, I ended up in the hospital with horrific pain, and through a series of events, I found out that I did have something wrong with me. I had one ruptured disc and two herniated discs in my neck. I had something called severe stenosis where the bone was pressing in on my spinal cord!
After months of waiting and praying, I finally had surgery in September. They went in and did a bone transplant, moved my trachea and voice box out of the way to get to the spine. In my mind, I had the idea I would be in surgery and back up and moving in a matter of a week or so. However, in the hospital I came down with a lung infection which has complicated my asthma. The healing has taken longer than expected. So, for the last four weeks, I have been contained to my bed and been forced into stillness, solitude and silence.
I wish I could say, that I handle being forced into bed, with ease and without any rebellion in my heart. However, it is not that simple for this type A, driver personality. I have battled with God. I began to read and study the book of Job. Job has become a dear friend to me. I really like him and I have been able to relate to him in so many ways. Physical pain, the inner heart struggle, the crazy friends saying and doing really bizarre things - yes, this has been my life for seven months now.
My friend Graham often says, "God allows in his wisdom what He could prevent by His power". God in His wisdom knew I needed another dose of stillness and revelation of Him for the season ahead.
This quote by Graham is so true. Even though my heart has struggled intensely with having to be contained to bed, the Lord has used this season to take me deeper into His presence. To take me deeper into His Word and specifically into the book of Job. He has allowed it to help me understand suffering, pain and to see things through Job in a new way. To see more clearly on just how religious we as Christians can be (myself included). Until now, I had not seen how "religious and deceived" were Job's friends. They were operating from religion and not from the heart of God for Job. Not only could I see Job's friends in me, I could see them in those around me. Of course, I have been repenting! Revelation and conviction are two wonderful aspects of our faith.
And God has been using this season to teach me more about the POWER of stillness. And why Satan contends so hard against it. Stop for a moment and really ponder this. Ponder deeply the truth in Psalm 46:10. Ponder the vastness of the power of God that is available in this verse. The revelation and knowledge of God comes through the discipline of stillness!! If we do not have it as a apart of our regular Christian experience either personally or corporately, then how can we bring the revelation of God to others?
We can bring a head knowledge of God, but we can not affect the hearts of people without a head AND heart knowledge (knowing) of Him.
God's Word is so clear, "Be still and KNOW that I AM GOD." Psalm 46:10. In the original language, this word for still is to cease striving, to stop all movement. If we want to be a people who KNOW God and represent Him to others, how can we do this if stillness is not a main part of our Christian experience?
We can not give to others what we first have not seen, nor understood about God ourselves. If we only have a head knowledge of God and we have yet to have a revelatory knowledge of God, then we are just Pharisees (read John 5).
In Philippians 3:7-11, when Paul tells us that all is garbage compared to knowing Christ. The word for knowing here in the original language is a deep, intimate, heart knowing.
The truth and reality is - we can only give to the measure we have received. So, if we only know Jesus as the one who saves us (the lost), that is all we have to offer others. But, if we come to know Jesus through stillness as the one who heals, we can offer Him as the healer to others.
If we come to know Jesus as the Lord Almighty by being with this aspect of His character and nature in stillness (through prayer & the Word), then we can offer a Sovereign King to those who are in the midst of tremendous spiritual warfare.
As people and as His corporate church, we need to rise up and expand our understanding and our knowledge of God. To intimately know Him so we can bring those aspects of His character and nature to others.
My friend Graham says all the time, "who does God want to be for you now in this season, that He could not be for you at any other time in your journey?" This is such an important question for us to ask as we enter into a time of stillness.
What are you facing that only God can displace? Fear? Worry? Being Alone? Who does God want to be for you today? The revelation of God will displace the very thing you are struggling with. Do you need to know God as:
- Comforter
- Healer
- King
- Lord of Lords
- Love
- Father
- All-powerful
- Always present
It is important for us to ask the Lord about what aspect of His character and His nature He wants us to know in the season we are walking through.
For me, being in bed, I am in a season of waiting, of transition. I often liken it to being in a hallway and seeing doors on both sides. The room is white, sterile. Some of the doors are open and yet, it is not time to fully walk into them yet. I am sitting with Jesus in the middle of the hallway "on pause". My heart wants to move and yet my body is still healing physically from the surgery and the after affects of it. And so, I am learning more about this hallway of waiting on God and what it means to completely surrender to the sovereign voice and will of God. I am seeing that this season of being in bed is actually an answer to my prayers to know Him more and more (Phil 3:7-11).
My heart's desire has always been to not only be His daughter, but to also be His bondservant. To be like the Apostle Paul, to make an impact for the Kingdom and to do only that which I see the Father doing (John 12:49-50). To do what He asks me to do, and go to where He asks me to go.
What I am learning more about in this season, is that to be really led by God's Spirit, requires a deep inner stillness that can follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. That can follow His gentle promptings. The Apostle Paul and the disciples knew this voice. Just read the book of Acts and see how both him and Peter, were both led into cities and then re-routed by the leading of the Holy Spirit. If we read the book of Acts, we see this happening all the time with the disciples. It is God's desire that we as people, as leaders, as His church comprehend this. They moved boldly with God and the world was changed around them. This comes, from an intimate knowledge of God and of knowing His voice (John 10:27).
And this comes through the discipline of stillness. For once again, God exhorts us, "BE STILL and KNOW that I AM GOD." Psalm 46:10
Lord,
Help us today, no matter what we are doing, to understand and really see the power that is available to us in stillness. Lord, where our flesh fights against it, help us. By your grace empower us to be people of stillness. People who have revelatory knowledge of you, to give as food for others. Lord, we can not give what we have not received from you! Help us to know you intimately in all aspects of your character and nature, and help us to give freely to others what we know about you!
In Jesus name,
Amen
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